I've said to myself, "If had a house, then I'd be happy." I've also said, "If I lost a few pounds, then I'd be happy." Then of course I've thought, "If I had more money, then I'd be happy."
Well, I've got some news. Those thoughts are not happiness itself. They are goals. You can set a goal to buy your own home or lose a few pounds. You can even set a goal to work a little harder for that promotion or cut down your expenses for a big purchase. These things are NOT happiness. Happiness is the feeling you get when you reach your goals.
Nobody needs to wait around to "end up happy". Happiness is something you feel. It comes and goes like all of the other emotions. We seem to grasp the concept that sadness or sorrow is an emotion. We tell each other, "This too shall pass" or "there's a light at the end of the tunnel". We understand that struggles and sadness, for the most part, are temporary.
Happiness is the same. We wish it was permanent and so I think we confuse it with an end result. We want to believe, someday we will just be happy. It sounds great doesn't it! A time and place when all there is, is happiness.
The problem presents itself when we become so fixated on the "someday", that we forget about the now. How much happiness did you miss out on while looking toward that someday? Do we realize that once we achieve that "someday", life will continue to happen? We all know life is messy. Life has many ups, downs, sideways, overs and under. It's crazy! So why would we think that someday it will just be happy and nothing else?
I'm not insinuating that we should stop working toward goals. It is indeed a happy feeling we get once we've accomplished something we set out to. What I am saying is, let's include happiness in the present. Let it be a part of the many other emotions we feel.
I leave you with this, and yes it's a line from a show. I won't say which, but if I ever actually take anything of value from a television show, I'd be happy it was this.
"Happiness is not a destination. It is a mood, it is not permanent. It comes and goes and if people thought that way then maybe people would find happiness more often."
Monday, June 8, 2015
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Don't Shortchange Your Ability to Decide
We recently went through and watched every Star Wars movie. Yes, we watched them in order from 1-6. The shocking revelation that Darth Vader was L&L's father was still kind of shocking to my girls. They didn't quite put together that the twins born at the end of episode three were all grown up in episode four. It was a fun to go through and watch these movies with our daughters.
I shared with another parent about our fun Star Wars watch-a-thon and it seemed like I had done something wrong. Questions were raised about the content and fear factor. Especially in episode three. There was a constant reference to a website, common sense media, and their recommendations for movies. It seemed like this was used as a last and final deciding factor when making decisions about what to allow a child to watch.
I decided to take a little internet stroll over to this website. I wanted to see what the big deal was and why it would be used as an all deciding factor. I was floored when I saw the age recommendations for movies we've seen in our home. They were ridiculous! Perhaps I should elaborate. They were ridiculous FOR MY CHILDREN. I would never use this website as a factor when deciding whether or not I should allow my children to watch a movie.
Here's what I'd like to ask those who rely on this website religiously. Who knows your child best? The website? The other parents leaving reviews on the website? Is your child exactly the same as their child? This website would assume that every child is exactly the same as every other child. The same level of maturity, the same attention span, the same level of fear, the same personality. Websites like this are a problem. People start using them as set rules instead of guidelines. They take them as law instead of suggestions. No two children are alike. That's just a fact.
My two girls are different. Born of the same mother and father, yet completely different. I know my girls and I know what they can or can not handle. I know what would be too scary for them to watch or too serious for them to understand. If we have any question about the content of a movie, we "pre-screen" it after bedtime and decide from their if it's something our girls should watch. We don't jump on a website and use it to make our decisions. For example, our three and five year old can handle Maleficent and it is one of their favorite. Common sense media gave it an age rating of eight. The Boxtrolls has an age rating of nine. The Star Wars movies were rated seven and up, eight and up, and episode three was rated 11 and up! Now, my five year old handled episode three like a champ. She knows movies are pretend. My three year old on the other hand. I did take her out of the room for the end of the movie.
The point is, only YOU know your children best. I'm not saying the website is bad. I'm saying, please don't use it to make your decisions. Make your decisions on how well you know your child. If you don't want to guess, watch it yourself first. Only you can decide what it best for your child. Whether it's a simple movie or a complicated issue. You have the full ability to decide what is best. You don't need websites to tell you what to do.
I shared with another parent about our fun Star Wars watch-a-thon and it seemed like I had done something wrong. Questions were raised about the content and fear factor. Especially in episode three. There was a constant reference to a website, common sense media, and their recommendations for movies. It seemed like this was used as a last and final deciding factor when making decisions about what to allow a child to watch.
I decided to take a little internet stroll over to this website. I wanted to see what the big deal was and why it would be used as an all deciding factor. I was floored when I saw the age recommendations for movies we've seen in our home. They were ridiculous! Perhaps I should elaborate. They were ridiculous FOR MY CHILDREN. I would never use this website as a factor when deciding whether or not I should allow my children to watch a movie.
Here's what I'd like to ask those who rely on this website religiously. Who knows your child best? The website? The other parents leaving reviews on the website? Is your child exactly the same as their child? This website would assume that every child is exactly the same as every other child. The same level of maturity, the same attention span, the same level of fear, the same personality. Websites like this are a problem. People start using them as set rules instead of guidelines. They take them as law instead of suggestions. No two children are alike. That's just a fact.
My two girls are different. Born of the same mother and father, yet completely different. I know my girls and I know what they can or can not handle. I know what would be too scary for them to watch or too serious for them to understand. If we have any question about the content of a movie, we "pre-screen" it after bedtime and decide from their if it's something our girls should watch. We don't jump on a website and use it to make our decisions. For example, our three and five year old can handle Maleficent and it is one of their favorite. Common sense media gave it an age rating of eight. The Boxtrolls has an age rating of nine. The Star Wars movies were rated seven and up, eight and up, and episode three was rated 11 and up! Now, my five year old handled episode three like a champ. She knows movies are pretend. My three year old on the other hand. I did take her out of the room for the end of the movie.
The point is, only YOU know your children best. I'm not saying the website is bad. I'm saying, please don't use it to make your decisions. Make your decisions on how well you know your child. If you don't want to guess, watch it yourself first. Only you can decide what it best for your child. Whether it's a simple movie or a complicated issue. You have the full ability to decide what is best. You don't need websites to tell you what to do.
Monday, May 4, 2015
Meet the Family.
Hi there Reader! My name is, well, Mom. I am mom to a five and three year old Star Wars loving, Avengers watching and princess dressing pair. When I'm not being called Mom, I'm being called So-and-so's Mom, or So-and-so's Wife...In fact, I can't remember the last time I was referred to by my actual first name. If it wasn't for social media, I'd probably forget I had a first name at all. For now, Reader, this is who I am. Quite frankly, I'm actually okay with this 80% of the time. It's not so bad, being mom and wife to three very important beings. It's where I am in life, and life is always changing. Wow, that almost sounded like I'm a totally relaxed and go with the flow kind of gal. Believe me, I'm not. I need schedules and plans in order to coexist peacefully with others in this world. I'll be the first to admit, I'm wound pretty tight. But enough about me, how about I tell you about my family.
The five year old is a sweet girl. She's funny, she's creative, she wants everyone to be happy. She's the kid in class who is best friends with everyone and no one at the same time. Everyone gets equal treatment. She pays attention to details and notices things most people don't. She definitely marches to the beat of her own drummer and solidified her independence long before I was ready for it. She's the child I tend to think I will have to worry the least about, yet I worry about often. She's left of the middle in every way. She loves Princesses, Marvel Super Heroes, My Little Pony, Star Trek movies, Littlest Pet Shop, and Star Wars. She's completely into science and has decided she's going to be a veterinarian. I love that she can play with the girls and tough it out with the boys, but I often wonder what will happen when the boys hit their "girls are icky" phase and the girls have all solidified their friendships by bonding over all things girl. An acquaintance informed me just the other day, I was raising a nerd. A nerd who would be listening to death metal by the time she was in middle school. Should I be worried? Will it be all that bad? Are you still reading?
This brings me to the three year old. This is the girlie girl of the family. The highly emotional, over dramatic, theatrical, sweet, loving girl who wants friends more than anything. She's only three and already has her "girls", prefers to wear dresses and already requests lipstick. She can strike a pose for the camera and knows how to bat her eyelashes in an attempt to get her way. Can you imagine the wild fires I have to put out each day? Mom likes Star Wars as much as she like Sleeping Beauty, neither wins. Neither girl is happy with that response, so the fighting continues. Back to the three year old. She is more of a people pleaser, she wants everyone to like her, and is definitely swayed easily by the crowd. Do you see mom's worry here? It works out perfect for classroom rules and schoolwork, not so much for social situation. It's surprising for others to hear she loves Spider-man and wants to be a Firefighter, but for the most part, she's all about the Princesses. I fear the preteen and teen years with this one, but yet I don't. It's worrisome to see she wears her heart on her sleeve. I fear this world is going to chew her up and spit her out. I can only hope the guidance we give her will be enough to teach her how to protect the heart on her sleeve. I truly believe it's what gives her the twinkle in her eye. I really hope she never loses that twinkle.
Finally, the husband. He's the worker bee. The one who brings home the bacon. The reason why mom can stay home with these two curious girls. He works hard everyday and then makes sure to spend quality time with the girls. Reading, playing, watching a movie of their choice (after much argument over Tinkerbell or Iron Man of course). He tends to host one heck of a Tea Party and makes one terrific Buzz Light Year. His favorite past time, that would be fishing. Fishing with his girls, now that is even better! The five year old enjoys showing off her fish and baiting her hook, all while the three year old looks on with a scowl of disgust. She enjoys fishing too, but only if Dad baits the hook and deal with the fish on the end. Oddly enough, Dad has a name. A name that is used each day. He's never So-and-so's Husband or So-and-so's Dad. He is who he is and even the girls find it hilarious to call him by his name. Of course he corrects them, "It's Dad to you girls." The humor of it all is too much to waste, so they go on calling Dad by his first name the rest of the evening.
There you have it Reader. My family in a nut shell. All wrapped nice and neat, that is until you open it and all kinds of goodness flies out. Now back to planning that Star Wars/Sofia the 1st Birthday Bash. From Princesses to Star Wars, and everything between.
The five year old is a sweet girl. She's funny, she's creative, she wants everyone to be happy. She's the kid in class who is best friends with everyone and no one at the same time. Everyone gets equal treatment. She pays attention to details and notices things most people don't. She definitely marches to the beat of her own drummer and solidified her independence long before I was ready for it. She's the child I tend to think I will have to worry the least about, yet I worry about often. She's left of the middle in every way. She loves Princesses, Marvel Super Heroes, My Little Pony, Star Trek movies, Littlest Pet Shop, and Star Wars. She's completely into science and has decided she's going to be a veterinarian. I love that she can play with the girls and tough it out with the boys, but I often wonder what will happen when the boys hit their "girls are icky" phase and the girls have all solidified their friendships by bonding over all things girl. An acquaintance informed me just the other day, I was raising a nerd. A nerd who would be listening to death metal by the time she was in middle school. Should I be worried? Will it be all that bad? Are you still reading?
This brings me to the three year old. This is the girlie girl of the family. The highly emotional, over dramatic, theatrical, sweet, loving girl who wants friends more than anything. She's only three and already has her "girls", prefers to wear dresses and already requests lipstick. She can strike a pose for the camera and knows how to bat her eyelashes in an attempt to get her way. Can you imagine the wild fires I have to put out each day? Mom likes Star Wars as much as she like Sleeping Beauty, neither wins. Neither girl is happy with that response, so the fighting continues. Back to the three year old. She is more of a people pleaser, she wants everyone to like her, and is definitely swayed easily by the crowd. Do you see mom's worry here? It works out perfect for classroom rules and schoolwork, not so much for social situation. It's surprising for others to hear she loves Spider-man and wants to be a Firefighter, but for the most part, she's all about the Princesses. I fear the preteen and teen years with this one, but yet I don't. It's worrisome to see she wears her heart on her sleeve. I fear this world is going to chew her up and spit her out. I can only hope the guidance we give her will be enough to teach her how to protect the heart on her sleeve. I truly believe it's what gives her the twinkle in her eye. I really hope she never loses that twinkle.
Finally, the husband. He's the worker bee. The one who brings home the bacon. The reason why mom can stay home with these two curious girls. He works hard everyday and then makes sure to spend quality time with the girls. Reading, playing, watching a movie of their choice (after much argument over Tinkerbell or Iron Man of course). He tends to host one heck of a Tea Party and makes one terrific Buzz Light Year. His favorite past time, that would be fishing. Fishing with his girls, now that is even better! The five year old enjoys showing off her fish and baiting her hook, all while the three year old looks on with a scowl of disgust. She enjoys fishing too, but only if Dad baits the hook and deal with the fish on the end. Oddly enough, Dad has a name. A name that is used each day. He's never So-and-so's Husband or So-and-so's Dad. He is who he is and even the girls find it hilarious to call him by his name. Of course he corrects them, "It's Dad to you girls." The humor of it all is too much to waste, so they go on calling Dad by his first name the rest of the evening.
There you have it Reader. My family in a nut shell. All wrapped nice and neat, that is until you open it and all kinds of goodness flies out. Now back to planning that Star Wars/Sofia the 1st Birthday Bash. From Princesses to Star Wars, and everything between.
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